What price to pay?

:Blink blink: There was a weekend there, right? I conked out early last night. While I am able to do much more and more easily than in my 20s now that I am 100 pounds lighter, I have found that my body just feels more tired at the end of those kind of days now that I am in my 40s. Ah yes, aging.
I biked to the gym today. Much warmer in the upper 30s than last Friday!

Exercise Set/rep/weight Muscle worked
Seated Lat Row 3 sets of 10 at 55# Back
Lying leg press 3 sets of 10 at 100# Lower Body
Stiff-legged Deadlift 3 sets of 10 at 55# Lower Body
Decline Situps 3 sets 10 Core
Barbell chest press 3 sets of 12 at 45# Chest
Seated Calf Raise 3 sets 12 at 140# Calves
Lower Back Extension 3 sets of 12 at 80# Low Back
YTWL 3 sets of 4 each letter with 8# DBs (16# total) Shoulders

I’m thinking of doing the 28-day shapeover again for something different. I biked home and was ready for coffee and some soaked steel cut oats.

Cooked with pumpkin and egg whites and topped with honey and toasted pecans. It took forever to cook, because I had a smaller serving of oats, but put in the regular amount of water and then the soaking water. D’uh. It was pre-coffee, so I can forgive myself for that.  Although, the oats were uber creamy.

There is a woman at the gym who has been coming for a while.  She looks great and is about 3 years younger than me (she is 39).  She lifts heavy and is very petite.  You know, one of those people you feel like an amazon next to?  Yeah, that’s me, albeit a short amazon.  I have found myself feeling less than upbeat when we are training at the same time.  I don’t normally compare, but there do seem to be those periods of time when I do exactly that.  I was chatting with her on the treadmills one day and she mentioned how she lost a lot of weight (20 pounds) and all that.  I hadn’t mentioned anything about my weight loss.  She talks about the diet she has now, how hard it is, and how she occasionally ‘cheats’ with a piece of chocolate and  runs even though it bothers her knees, etc.  I thought “Wow, is she dedicated.”  And I sort of felt… lame.

John and I talked about it over breakfast that day when I was feeling a little down about it.  I said I could train harder and all that and get off 10 more pounds.  My husband is so very wise sometimes. His answer? “Not eating chocolate and doing that kind of exercise is the price she pays to look like that.”  That was really what I needed to hear.  It’s not that I don’t work hard (although I could work harder if I wanted to).  It’s not that I am a lesser person. It’s just a question of what is the cost of being like that to me?

I could pay that price, but I don’t think that is me at all.  I really enjoy my food now.  I think that would put me back into having a bad relationship with food and exercise.  Then again,  I could lose 10 pounds and feel like I should lose more.  Hello vicious cycle.  It’s hard, though.  Some days I still have a horrible body image and think that I look much bigger than I am – just like a lot of women who never were overweight to begin with.  Guess I will just keep plugging along.

I broke out the broccoli for lunch today.  Just to shake things up:

With an open face egg salad sandwich.

Tasty!

Work slowed down after lunch, which is pretty normal for Mondays, so I made myself be productive rather than sitting around reading blogs and dinking around on the internet.  Not that I do that or anything… just sayin’… So I did some painting  in the room.  My goal is to be done tiling by the weekend (maybe lofty, but who knows).

Then it was time for an afternoon snack:

Made with 2% milk.

Still chilly again today.  Plus dreary rain in the afternoon.  I would not be surprised if I was deficient in vitamin D, even though I take some. It seems like all anyone talks about is how cold it still is around here.

We did still grill out tonight.  I put some chicken on the grill while sweet potato chips roasted in the toaster oven.

I topped the chicken with some of the Yancey’s Fancy buffalo wing cheese.  It has nice spice to it. Yum!  Note – the pile of grapes looks a little small because I munched on them while fixing dinner. 😳

Another Monday is on its way out the door.  I need to hunt down an evening snack!  But it will not be cookies, either in dough form or baked.  My INO for the day.

Question: How do you keep yourself from comparing to others?

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31 thoughts on “What price to pay?

  1. Lay Down My Idols

    NEVER feel “lame” – what you have done … AND CONTINUE TO DO (!!!) is AMAZING – you have lost 20 lbs. FIVE TIMES!!!! I have enough trouble getting 5 lbs. off and you’ve done that TWENTY TIMES! I hope you feel encouraged… you deserve it after (and continuing) your hard work! I am VERY proud of you! You’re inspiring. Period!!!
    D
    Lay Down My Idols´s last blog post ..✿Monday – 100-33 &amp 6 in 6 Plans

  2. Lisa

    This is a debate I have with myself all the time. I worked really hard to lose 100 pounds and I’ve lost 106. I would like to lose those “last few pounds” and I COULD IF:
    -stopped eating sugar (no dessert, no nibbles, no candy at work)
    -stopped drinking all alcohol
    -no eating out
    -no more pizza

    Do I want to do those things? No. If I did that would I lose? Yep. It’s just not worth it to me. What kind of happiness would I have if I was completely denying myself things I like? Just to lose another 5 pounds? Silly!

    I eat those things in moderation, workout hard, and maintain. And I can be satisfied with that. Thanks for the reminder, Lori! 🙂

    1. Lori Post author

      I am thankful to have John to point out some of these things for me. It’s easy to judge ourselves on the inside with what more we could do – always nice to have an outer opinion to put things into perspective.

  3. Marisa @ Loser for Life

    Taking on running really helped me not to compare myself to others. When I first started, I struggled so hard to get fast like everyone else and it just never happened for me. Finally, I realized that I run for me and because I like how I feel when I do. Same with eating, I like what and how I eat. I am trying to lose weight for me and not to win the “how skinny can I get” prize. Not to say that I don’t sometimes “wish” I could look like someone else. LOL! But, as you said, I might get there and still not understand that I got there! Know what I mean? When I got to my lowest weight on this journey so far, I still didn’t realize that I was “there”. My brain never quite caught up to the way my body looked. I still felt like that big girl!
    Now that I hit my 40’s, I’m through with comparing. I’ll do what I can do and if someone else wants to workout like a maniac just to eat a piece of chocolate, then so be it!
    Marisa @ Loser for Life´s last blog post ..Happy Birthday- Mom!

  4. cammy@tippytoediet

    As you know, I’m working through this lately, too. I’m feeling a bit freer from it the past few days by reminding myself (A LOT) that it doesn’t matter what my body *looks* like, it matters how it *feels* and what it can *do*. Besides, I lost 100 pounds at the age of 50–no amount of exercise or choco-deprivation is going to make this body hard. 🙂

    Hang in there, you’re doing fine….
    cammy@tippytoediet´s last blog post ..Secrets of the Weight Loss Spas

  5. Shelley B

    It’s natural to compare ourselves to others, and it’s also natural to question whether we are doing everything we could. My answer is always “no” – but I want to be not stressed over food, and if that means that I’ll weigh 150 instead of 130, well so be it. Still a hell of a lot better than 256, right?!?
    Shelley B´s last blog post ..Call For Entries- Prom Dress Pictures

    1. Lori Post author

      They are very easy. Just slice a sweet potato into 1/8 to 1/4 inch slices. Spray with cooking spray and salt and pepper. Then roast for 15 minutes at 400 degrees, flip, and roast another 15 minutes or until done to your likeness! Easy peasy and delicious!

  6. debby

    I’m a little depressed about Cammy’s declaration ” I lost 100 pounds at the age of 50–no amount of exercise or choco-deprivation is going to make this body hard.” Really? There’s no hope? Haha, just kidding around. That’s exactly what I think. At my age, i look longingly at the ‘perfect bodies’ of the young’uns occasionally, but as far as comparing? I think mostly I compare myself to myself. I know I looked and felt better a few pounds ago, and i know I looked and felt WAY worse a few pounds ago. Sometimes I see someone my age who I estimate is about the weight I used to weigh before I lost, and they are bent over limping into Walmart. Right then I’m pretty happy with myself. When I go to the gym and have to look in the mirrors, sometimes I am very unhappy with the lumps and bumps. But sometimes I am pretty darn satisfied with the ‘general outline.’

    That seems almost strange to me that you would have the thought about her being dedicated when you have spent YEARS working on your weight and your food and your exercise. Isn’t that the dictionary definition of dedicated? Umm, 100 mile bike ride? Working your way back from a serious back injury? You better re-think your definition of dedicated missy! (stepping down off of my motherly soap box) Almost every time I work out I think about you. Usually its ‘I’m not gonna do planks today like Lori does.’
    debby´s last blog post ..Weigh-in And So Much More!!!

    1. Lori Post author

      Yes, sometimes we forget all that has been accomplished because it isn’t anything *new*, know what I mean? Sort of like not noticing your own clutter but seeing everyone elses’ LOL!

  7. Leah

    Ditto on the what you’v accomplished and manage to keep up is NOT LAME, but amazing.

    Having said that, yes I compare myself and lately a lot to a friend who is training for a half marathon. She and her husband have made it clear they don’t run on treadmills and she’s been braving very, very harsh Oklahoma winds to train. Where I prefer to keep indoors on a treadmill and keep up a brisk pace for 30 minutes, instead of dying a slow death jogging in the wind.

    Talk about feeling lame-o, but then I have to remind myself that she is about 50 pounds lighter than me and running for her is easier than me just by the smaller amount of weight she’s carrying. PLUS…I’m not just running, I like to workout, cross train, etc. and it is working for me.

    Oh, but you asked how I keep myself from comparing…. 😛

    I just have to remind myself of how far I’ve come and how strong I feel so far. My husband reminds me to let it go and not worry what others think. Love our men!! 😀

    In case you couldn’t tell, you hit a very oft visited weakness of mine, so I can totally relate. 🙂

    Oh, and I know for a fact I’ll be like you…I could starve myself and be skinny, but I choose to enjoy a few things in life (like good coffee and chocolate) and stay sane. Please remind me of this when I’m in maintenance and struggling, okay? 🙂

    You’re my hero, Lori – for both your accomplishments and honesty on your blog. Thank you.
    Leah´s last blog post ..Weigh-In Holding

  8. Jane

    This struck a chord with me. I have again been avoiding the gym, because I am still quite overweight. The young “hardbodies” are everywhere, and then there are a few like me. And then I think–why am I stopping myself from getting the exercise I need because I don’t measure up to some ideal? I’m waaaay past 50, and perhaps my expectations are a bit high.

    Anyway, Lori, with as active as you are and as hard as you have worked to lose 100 pounds and then maintain, you’re doing great! It sounds to me as though the woman at the gym is not completely happy with herself, either, in spite of her sacrifices and losing her 20 pounds. I think you’re wise to recognize that we all have a different path to walk. Please be sure to know that you are lovely just the way you are, and your path is likely the right one for you.

    When I have been thin, I always wanted to be thinner–and to do it as fast as possible. Looking back, that dissatisfaction with myself was a path back to compulsive overeating. I wish I would have stayed at 140 pounds and not have pushed so hard to be 120! I truly believe I would be better for it today.
    Jane´s last blog post ..I Guess You Cant Predict What Mother Nature Will Do-and a Nod to our Animal Friends!

    1. Lori Post author

      “I wish I would have stayed at 140 pounds and not have pushed so hard to be 120! I truly believe I would be better for it today.”

      Wow – that is so true for many of us, I think!

  9. Fran

    First what’s the 28 day shapeover Lori?

    I don’t compare myself to others anymore. I am who I am and do things the way I do them. Everybody’s different, what might work for someone doesn’t have to work for me.

    Back to you: I think John said it all. The reason I like you and your blog so much is that I want to be like you when I grow up (euh lost the weight I want to lose). You embrace life, you enjoy food but all in moderation and you exercise enough. You know the way you handle maintenance is what we all should do.

    I see sometimes people who are at goal weight but still count their calories every day, don’t enjoy parties because they can’t eat anything (which is something they forbid themselves), who have to workout everyday, if they miss a day they’re stressed. No way I want to be that way and if that takes me longer to reach goal weight: so be it.

    Lori you’re an inspiration to me!

  10. Jody - Fit at 53

    Lori – yup, I can tell you about age & what is does & how it feels! 😉

    As for that comparison, really, I have never gotten over it.. even now & especially as I age, I do tend to do it & wish I could stop that… not as bad as I used to be but I so understand what you are saying. And yes, as John states, she does what it takes to be the way she wants to be. Like me, I do a lot more to look like this but I could do less & eat a bit “less clean” & still look fine but not like I do now. I think some day, I will cut back but I am not sure when… and yes, it can be a vicious cycle.

    I love that you know where you are in this journey & what is more important to you!
    Jody – Fit at 53´s last blog post ..Food Withdrawal-Addiction Is Sugar Toxic

  11. kalli

    oh boy i know how you feel. i hate feeling like an amazon next to people. your husband is right and that is what my hubby says, if i want to look like that i must make more sacrifices in life like for me is not drinking as much wine. we either have to decide that we are okay or work harder and make sacrifices. like for me right now cutting back on certain foods and being a bit hungry to lose a few pounds. anyway, about the leak….all is fixed finally and now we just have to get the ceiling back up 🙂
    kalli´s last blog post ..Updates

  12. deb

    I think you can be in differnt stages in your life. Times when your willing to invest more. Times when your stronger mentally and physically. Thats why i say life is a rollercoaster.

  13. Ash @ Good Taste Healthy Me

    It’s very hard to not compare yourself! I tend to even when I’m feeling fantastic about myself. It’s like opening up a whole slew of negative thoughts about myself, which stinks because I know I look good. But around certain people I always think I could be thinner or look better etc. But I know this is mostly a warped sense of self.
    Ash @ Good Taste Healthy Me´s last blog post ..A Walk and a Hike

  14. Helen

    Well the whole middle section of this post immediately rang bells in my head! I especially struggle when I see people that I mentored into running pass me by at races. There is one young woman in particular who tells people I’m the one who made her feel she could do it. Not only is she a better and faster runner, she has probably already done more full marathons (probably double what I’ve done) than I will ever do in my life! I also struggle at the dojo. I hear some people talk about how they got up and ran 5 or 6 miles, then did a mid-day gym workout, then are at a hard Muay Thai class for an hour, sometimes followed by another 45 minute Krav Fit class. And I think, “what is wrong with me?” Mr. Helen always reminds me that these people are usually 20 years younger than me, but still I have a hard time not comparing myself.

    I need to – and want to – know that I am “enough.” I think we all do. Which is why these comparisons are not good!
    Helen´s last blog post ..Tuesday Ten

  15. Dawn

    Boy you sound like me so much. But you know having peace with food is way way better than worrying about every bite we put in our mouths. I’ve come to realize losing 10 more lbs isn’t going to make me any happier. I think just living as healthy as I can is my best plan. I try not to compare myself to others because I’m sure their story isn’t mine. Just like that woman at the gym sure doesn’t have your story of losing over 100 lbs. You are great Lori 🙂
    Dawn´s last blog post ..Coming to realize

  16. Kelly Happy Texan

    Very thought provoking post. I’m always comparing myself to others. Sometimes it’s a good thing (it pushes me to work harder) and sometimes it’s a bad thing (I can never work hard enough or do enough). But I do understand the feeling of seeing someone who seems to have it all together. And then the “what ifs” start flying around the room. But in the end, as long as we are happy in the place we’ve made for ourselves, let others find their niche. Each niche comes with a price. It really does just depend on what we’re willing to pay. It’s a value system of sorts.

    By the way, I think you look fantastic!

    28 day shapeover? Is that Schoenfeld?
    Kelly Happy Texan´s last blog post ..Lets Do the Time Warp Again

  17. Roz

    I absolutely compare my weight loss to those at my weight watchers meeting. (she lost .6 and I only lost .2) I’m REALLY trying to let that go and just get on with my own journy. BTW….that John of yours is VERY wise!!! Love his comment. Have a great day Lori.
    Roz´s last blog post ..I’m a pack rat

    1. Lori Post author

      Yes, John is very wise on a lot of things. Now if only I could get him to wise up about broccoli, we would be all set!

  18. Jen

    I find myself comparing myself to everyone lately, but in a good way! I think well ___ lost ___ lbs, what is my problem? And, just like your husband, mine told me something similar. “Stop trying, and just do it.” Duh. Why didn’t I think of that?!
    Jen´s last blog post ..One Year

  19. Amy

    What you said is very profound, Lori, and really got me thinking – also after reading everyone’s comments, it is obvious this strikes a chord with all of us! I love the thought that there is a certain “price” we pay in how hard we are willing to work at healthy eating and exercise and that this translates to the state of our physical body (and emotional state too). I guess we are all on our own journey in figuring out how to balance these two factors to get to results we are happy with and can maintain comfortably. Like you, I try hard not to compare with other people, because I think we are all different. But sometimes it is hard not to! So from now on, I will just tell myself, “that person is willing to pay a higher price than I am right now”.
    Amy´s last blog post ..Midweek Update

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